Van's Mews, or Uncle Sam's Talk to His Brindled Cat.
[Written for the Clay Melodist.]
VAN'S MEWS, OR UNCLE SAM'S TALK TO HIS BRINDLED CAT.
By the author of "Uncle Sam's talk to his man John."
"Thrice the brindled cat hath mewed." — Macbeth.
Did ever you hear how my uncle Sam
Had a brindled cat which kept mewing, "I am
57The cunningest mouser the country o'er;
I can eat my full weight and a pound or two more."
Ri tu, di nu, di nu di nu,
Ri tu, di ni nu, ri tu, di nu, ri na.
When all the rats he'd suck'd in near Kinderhook,
He would poke his smellers into every nook,
And brushing his whiskers, and whisking his tail,
Souse the fellow would go into some milk pail.
"Van, Van," swore uncle Sam to the brindled cat,
"I will stand no longer, so now that's flat.
At mewing the first, though I spread on the floor
'Nough to last you four years, you keep mewing for more.
"At mewing the second, I served you again
With the best that I had, but still 'twas in vain;
In taking too much you half swallowed a bone,
Which, stuck in your throat, sent you down with a groan.
"Now to stand tho' too weak, comes mewing the third;
I'll bear it no more, no, I won't, on my word;
If you don't trot yourself off, I'll take my shears
And your tail cut short off close up to your ears."
But Van, though he thought that the bone was quite tough,
Kept mewing away, "Not enough, not enough;
58As for hints and for cuffs I care not a d— (ahem)
So give me some more, for 'tis hungry I am."
"Van, if you mean to eat me out of my farm,
I'll fix you a dose that will suit to a charm;
You've had all the best that my house can afford,
And you've still not enough, Oh good Lord, good Lord!"
Now Van he kept mewing and mewing all around,
Till come to the cream, which he reached with bound.
"My third mew," he grinned, "it has brought rich lot.
Dis cat wants the whole; let the rest go to pot."
"All right!" he exclaimed, bending over the vat,
A smelling the cream without smelling a rat,
When tipping the dish, splash the vat he fell in,
Just as came Uncle Sam with a grin, grin, grin.
"Ah ha!" quoth he, as in to hold him he ran,
"You've got in hot water; get out if you can;
59You're dished, little Van, and tho' you whine and do mew,
You'll stay where you are till done and through."
Tis said, since a cat has nine kinks to his tail,
He'll come to his feet in a fall, without fail.
Van he shook out his kinks, upon it depend,
For instead of his feet he came to his end.
Politicians may learn, from what I've sung o'er,
When they've had the first cuts, to ask not for more;
Lest, grasping too much, into hot water they get,
As surely they will, if caught in a Clay-pit.